Aftermath

So i feel stupid now. Rant done, anger vented, and i feel like an idiot for saying all that. Had no reason to actually say all that stuff, especially when i pointed the finger at myself and the friends. Well, i'm fine with pointing at myself, but had no rhyme or reason to target the friends who have done nothing wrong. if anything, it was because i don't say anything. not their fault.

New motto: "the innocents will not be harmed"

So i'll avoid being unreasonable about my comments. Life isn't as bad as i always make it look...but i realise i have to find a better and politically correct way of venting my anger at what is going on in my life.

honestly, my life has been better with the presence of WQ in my life. i feel less troubled, partly since i have someone i can let go with. so everyone is saved from the devastation that is desmond.

that being said, i apologise to all my friends, both near and far, close and acquainted. i do not express fairly to warrant me shooting my mouth by saying people don't care. i was frustrated that on such a day, it is not so special.

maybe i should be less hypocritical...if i don't like such a day, then i should not wish for that day to be the same for me, as it does with other people.

talking to adeline was refreshing. always good to bounce my thoughts off others, so i can better grasp the situation again. must think about doing that more often.

so i'm back to normal now. now funny-business desmond for a while....if anything, a silent acknowledgement would be nice...

peace

Valentine's? Friendship? what does it mean?

Never like a designated day to emphasize certain aspects of life. Today's Valentine's Day, or Friendship Day, take your pick. Chances are, many couples will take the opportunity to express their love for one another. You have the whole array of stuff, flowers, chocolates, romantic dinners, romantic _____ (fill it in with activity of choice). Hard to say whether these things are also done outside of Valentine's Day. I would presume so, since relationships don't only wait once a year to celebrate love....there's the Birthdays, Anniversaries, and whatever special day you can think of. Of course, you can be a skeptic and just say that we should celebrate love every day of the year. Why wait for a commercial holiday like this? I'm not saying Valentine's Day is totally commercial. There are people (and I am not one of them), who believe in the true meaning of Valentine's...A brief search in Google had St. Valentine as a priest who conducted marriages for soldiers against imperial decree. He got jailed and killed for that. "From your Valentine" might have come from him sending his love to a love he had at that time too. That was about it. Some pope decreed it February 14th. And the commercial enterprises have had perpetual field days from that time onward.

Now for friendship day. Friendship day is August 7th. Why anyone would consider today friendship day is beyond me. Technically speaking, Friendship Month is February. So somebody thought it cool that "if you don't celebrate Valentine's, then why not Friendship? it's the whole month anyway. Nobody would know if it's not the right day AND month". Now can all of you stop that whole Friendship Day thing? It's the WHOLE MONTH of FEBRUARY!!!!!! Me thinks some poor sod wanted to console him/herself, and spread the word that February 14th is Friendship Day too. Or the corporates did it. So people can go around feeling good themselves.

I sound disgruntled, don't I? For one, I am not supposed to complain, since I have a girlfriend. I love her, and i hope she loves me. Did I get her anything for V-day? Nope. I did get her flowers the weekend before though. Hope she's happy with them. So why do i sound like i hate this day?

To tell the truth, I don't. 3 years isn't long, but it was enough to make me dis-illusioned to such things like relationships, friendships and all that jazz. How many friends do i have? not many i would think. Most of them won't give a rat's ass about me (or some other animal's behind), but then, that's not what i'm worried about. Maybe i sound like i'm seeking attention. Not sure if i really am though....

Ok, so i feel pissed the whole day. Partly because i realise its a day when people show how popular they are. Girls get flowers and gifts from friends, lovers, strangers....Guys get other guy friends to go chill out, have a good meal, watch some tellie with. What do i get? I get ignored.

Nothing. I'm alone on this side of the world, and nobody gives a shit. Maybe it is true that to have friends, you have to make them yourself. Guess i realise i'm not one whom people will approach wholeheartedly, and not under threat of death and all that.

So i feel stupid, angry and totally irritated. With myself, and all those i thought were my friends. Maybe i should have believed in this Friendship crap, and given flowers out to girls and be busking in the thought of them appreciating my gifts.

NOT!

have to admit an ugly bugger like me is probably very least appreciated in their circle of friends. i should be contented that they don't outright hate me huh. that should be the level of friendship i hope to keep.

Amen.