Graduation Thoughts...

So this past weekend was graduation day(s) for UCSD...individual colleges had their own commencement ceremonies to "honor" the students who have slogged through 3 (or 4 or more) years of UCSD...

I was able to go to 2 graduations: Sixth College and Warren College. Sorry Jason, I missed your ERC graduation, but I was able to congratulate you over lunch, so I feel better about that. But yeah, Tat graduated from Sixth and Hui Min from Warren. These were two friends who I've known since freshman year (we came in together), and although we've had a lot of differences, I'm glad everything worked out in a way, and I was happy to see them graduate and move on.

Watching the graduations seemed to spring a lot of thoughts in me...the fact that these two came with me, and yet I did not graduate with them, makes me sad...What am I doing here?...will that extra year mean anything?? everyone I know when I came here has graduated or are graduating (graduates)...even though there are new people here over the last 2 years, the bond is different. The environment has changed, and I feel like one of the old dinosuars...not fitting in the new age...but old dogs can learn new tricks right? But only if the people around him allow him to...

But the graduation has got me thinking about my own graduation next year. Who will see me walk? Who willl bother that I graduate? Will they be happy i'm out of their hair? Or will they not even bother about me gone at all? I guess I realise now that I have not left a mark here. Nothing that will indicate I was here. I know in a way that's wanting for "name", but I realise fame isn't something I'm cut out for. Will my name be part of the honors list?

At this point, my grades aren't enough to indicate me in the upper echelons...I'm an average student, in the swarm of students...even though I'm Singaporean..yet I do not have that famed "power" that Singaporeans wield over others academically...does this mean I'm a failure? or have I failed myself? I think I have...But I have one more year...maybe I can still show I'm good enough to stand up and be considered as somebody....

Which brings me to SMSC...the bane and blessed existence of my life in UCSD...I don't really want to talk about it now, but I believe next school year will be the last chance...to make or break it...if I do not do something to establish it, there will not be a chance till the next "Lyon" or "Desmond" comes along...

Yeah...I don't want to leave on a gloomy note, so let me tell you about Mr and Mrs Smith, starring Brad Pitt and the fabulous Angelina Jolie. The first real movie I've watched in the year, and I felt it was good. Fun, and good chemistry too. The fact that she acted is even better. Go watch it...and watch out for Batman Begins too!!